Luna Lovegood (radish_earrings) wrote in bewitchedboys,
Luna Lovegood
radish_earrings
bewitchedboys

New Quibbler Edition

This special edition of The Quibbler is being printed in color!



NEW ROCK GROUP STEALS BEWITCHED BOYS' THUNDER

In the last week, the band Eternal Owl Vortex has risen to the top of the charts, and the increasing popularity of rock music has merited no comment from the former #1 band, the Bewitched Boys.

OR HAS IT?

Our sources tell us that certain members of the band were very upset over this new development. One member reportedly "howled with rage" when he heard, saying "IT'S NOT EVEN REAL MUSIC!" (The leader of the band) Mordred Palls declined comment, muttering something about his stylists plotting to kill him, but we did hear from a source close to the band that they will be in recording soon to "gain back the spot that belongs to them."

Meanwhile, the eyeliner-wearing...

SEE RIVALRY, p.3

...band "Eternal Owl Vortex has not replied to these allegations, but means to continue "ushering in the age of the vortex of rock." It is currently uncertain how deep the rivalry between these two band runs, but inside sources assure us that the struggle to dominate the music world will continue in the next few months.

(Article cut here)

UKRAINIAN SINGER'S NEW JOB BACKFIRES

Ukrainian singer Dmytro Golovnya gave up singing two months about to rear Thestrals, saying that with all the pain and death in the world, it was only right that he spend his remaining days in contemplation among dark creatures.

But sources tell us that the job has gone very badly, and the famous singer has been nearly mauled by mutant Thestrals. Though these creatures are normally....

SEE TERRIBLE DEATH, p. 6

...very docile, a new evil breed has sprung up, accidentally created by Dmytro and his team. It is unclear now what effects they will have on the wizarding populace and how they will terrorize the world, but the singer's life is greatly endangered. He had no comment for our reporters, though our sources report that he is greatly distressed at these new developments.

(Article cut)

DEMON DUCK NEW MASCOT?

New reports have surfaced about the demon duck that appeared in St. Mungo's during Gwydion Lycaon's stay (after an unfortunate brush with a hag). Sources tell us that the Bewitched Boys have actually made it their mascot. This strange move, along with other rumors, is only the surface of a new conspiracy...

SEE MASCOT, p. 5

HAIR DISASTER!

This week two members of the Bewitched Boys were involved in terrible hair scandals. Mordred Pallas, pictured here before the disaster, suffered from a terrible explosion that reportedly made his graying problem worse and ruined his hair. Also, Gwydion Lycaon narrowly escaped a crew cut from a stylist who is reportedly a Dark Wizard out to get revenge for the way his hag girlfriend was...

SEE DISASTER, p. 8

I'm not sure about where my daddy got the information for this article. For one thing, I've been investigating lots of magical creatures lately and it's been really interesting, but from my research, I don't know exactly how Thestrals could mutate that way, and the article doesn't really clarify.

Not to mention Mordred doesn't seem to be going gray at all, and the band as a whole would probably not make that duck their mascot. Not after the fight we had with it in St. Mungo's. Hmm. I think I need to take a trip to study these Thestrals.
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DAMN RIGHT WE WOULDN'T TAKE THAT SLAVE TO THE DUCK LORD AS OUR MASCOT!!! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING YOUR FATHER???
DARK LORD!!! DARK LORD!!!
Ushering in the age blah blah rock OVER MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S PANTS!!!




R.I.P Grandma.
THERE IS NO STRUGGLE!!! THOSE TWATS CANNOT HOLD A CANDLE TO THE BEWITCHED BOYS!!!!!!!
I didn't tell him anything! Avery and I managed to catch it, and then he took it because he said he was going to try and take the enchantments off it. I don't know what happened to it after that but I definitely never said anything to my father about it.

I think he's just printing rumors, which is ridiculous since The Quibbler should never run articles without good evidence. I don't know why he's been printing such silly stories lately.
That's right, Luna...I did manage to get it to stop smoking but I'm afraid nothing could be done about its evil temper. Still, there's nothing that odd about a bad-tempered duck, even an exceptionally irate one, so I just let it go. Last I saw it was terrorizing a flock of geese, so it must be happy.

I don't know who got this idea about the mascot. What a strange notion. Why would we want a "demon duck" to represent us? Where on earth is your father getting his ideas, Luna?
PROBABLY THE SAME PLACE HE GOT HIS IDEAS ABOUT BLIBBERING HUMDINGERS AND CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACKS.
CAN'T YOU GET HIM TO RETRACT IT OR SOMETHING?!!!